背叛

R0010713感謝生命的邀請!

是你的柔風和煦,卻帶著無畏無懼,感動我真正的人生的學習。書本上的知識和智慧,別人的痛苦喜悅和掙扎,我不再是旁觀者,終於到我下場赴試。是你發現德的內心的光茫,讓我確知可以再綻放,燃燒掉昔日的虛幻,站在火焰的中央,有著你紅栗的愛的守護。

是你的瘋狂和生命,吶喊和狂傲,燃點起我久已熄滅的熱情,尋回內心的善與美的力量,重新肯定自己早有的生命的魔法,是藉著你有為與無為,陽光和夤夜,那馬鞭草的鞭策。

是由你的初到人間世,不給我雪糕,睿智的短語,「未得o架」,提醒我未完的功課。是你的處方,讓我知道我身在何方。是跟你黃昏的追趕跑跳起舞,一起讀書一起看螳螂一起看小老鼠Frederick ,知道生命純然的喜悅。 感謝你的雀躍歡騰,一句「Passed!」,給我肯定。感謝你願意為我的老師,或者,是你願意揀選了我為你的學生。

是你的雄糾力量中所蘊含的柔和,專心致志的刀切麵,生活中的知所讓,知所進,知所反擊。我知道龍芽草陽光背後的深沉善感,臨涯直視心靈深淵的恐懼和痛苦,那是一直都有切身共鳴,現在還有的,是躍下後的自在。

感謝所有的朋友,我知道你們的默默的支持與愛。

我終於體悟,寧忠於自己,而讓人失望;從種種的責斥中,不求當人家眼中的好人,坦然接納自己的積極和陰暗面;寧受背叛的指控,不願再背叛自己靈魂。

.

文字啟發自 奧華雅 《邀請》,以下譯文源自《靈魂之旅》:

我對你的職業不感興趣。我想知道你的渴望,你是否能勇敢依循內心的憧憬,大膽的作夢。

我對你的年齡不感興趣。我想知道你是否會願意冒險,為愛,為夢想,為體驗生命,即使看起來像個傻子。

我對什麼影響你的情緒起伏不感趣。我想知道你是否曾觸及內心憂傷的核心,你是否已從生命中的背叛恢復,願意敞開心靈;或因此而蜷縮封閉,深怕再受傷害。我想知道你是否可以正視痛苦,與它共處,我的或你自己的,而不需要躲藏、淡化、偽裝或修飾。

我想知道你是否能與喜悅共處,我的或你自己的。你是否能與狂野共舞,讓狂喜浸淫你全身,穿透每個指尖,不再心存戒慎恐懼,不再要求實際務實,忘記身為人類的限制。

我對你所告訴我的事是否真實不感興趣。我想知道,你是否能為忠於自己而讓他人失望;是否能背負他人對你背叛的指控,但求不背叛自己的靈魂;你是否能拋卻信仰,而仍值得信任。

我想知道每一天,你是否能在不美之處看見美麗,你是否能成為自己生命的源頭。

我想知道你是否與失敗共存,你的和我的,而且仍然願意站在湖邊,向天上銀色的圓月高喊,「是的,我絕不放棄。」

我對你住在哪裡,有多少錢並不感興趣。我想知道,在經過了整夜的哀傷沮喪,身心疲憊到了極點,你是否仍能起身,為了孩子,盡你該盡的養家活口的責任。

我對你認識誰,或你如何來到這裡不感興趣。我想知道,你是否會與我一起,站在火的中央而不退縮。

我對你在哪裡,學什麼,和誰學不感興趣。我想知道,當這一切都煙消霧散,是什麼在你內心支撐著你。

我想知道,你是否能與自己獨處,你是否真的喜歡在你空虛時陪伴的同伴。

. .

The Invitation

by Oriah mountain dreamer, Indian elder

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon…
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

© Mountaindreaming, from the book The Invitation published by HarperSanFrancisco, 1999 All rights reserved

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